Introducing…

Atticus David!!!

Atticus, 7 months

It is official! We have a SON! We are over the moon. And completely exhausted from the festivities. I will be back tomorrow with more, but will leave you with this:

Adoption day!!!

Update on finalization

It turns out that National Adoption Day is being celebrated tomorrow in our county. And we will be finalizing!!! I can’t believe it, but we are actually filed and scheduled with the court. Tomorrow our sweet boy will be ours forever.

Counting down the minutes…

Exciting news!

We heard from the adoption worker yesterday with the final piece of the paperwork to finalize the adoption. They are going to try to schedule our hearing for National Adoption Day, which is…NEXT FRIDAY!!!

Can you believe it? I was walking on clouds all day after that call! My hope at the beginning of all this was to be able to finalize before baby #2 comes so that Finch is officially our first child. I really had no real expectation of that happening, especially this close to our induction. But I think it is really happening! How amazing it would be to adopt our sweet Finch on Friday and then give birth to his little brother a week later!

I feel like the luckiest mama in the world. Somebody pinch me!

34w, 2d + Finch update

I’m sick. Being pregnant and sick is seriously not fun. Especially since I’m taking care of a 6 month old and Mommies don’t get days off. I’m SO tired and really just feel like lying around all day. I’m just hoping Finch doesn’t get it.

Things are going fine pregnancy wise. We have one more childbirth class to go to next week. It includes the hospital tour and I’m really looking forward to that for some reason. It will just be nice to know where we will be spending our time during the delivery and after.

I’ve been going for my twice weekly NSTs and they seem like a waste of time right now. No contractions and everything is looking good.

We had a meeting with our adoption worker yesterday and all I can think about is finalization now! All of our paperwork is done and turned in. We just wait for them to contact us to establish our adoption support, which they have up to 30 days to do. Once that’s done we can set the court date! It could be as soon as 4-6 weeks! Which, of course, is right around our due date.

We’ve been talking to our doctors and they are really pushing for an induction around the 39-40 week mark. It was something that I was really against for a long time, but I’m starting to think that maybe it would be the best thing. The reason they want to induce me is because I’m considered high-risk and they want to make sure that I am off the blood thinners long enough that I could get an epidural if needed. I am really torn about it though. Initially I wanted as little intervention as possible. Now, I just don’t know. I don’t want to be disappointed if we end up going that way. This could be the only birth I ever have and I don’t want to regret how it happened. Then again, I feel like the whole time we’ve been trying to get pregnant I’ve been willing to do whatever it takes, including taking whatever drug the doctors thought might work. It seems a little silly to now say – no drugs!

Then there is the timing of birth and our adoption finalization. Oh, what a horrible problem to have (sarcasm, of course!). If we don’t go with the induction, it could put a kink in when we could schedule the court date. If we do, then we could most likely pick a date in mid-December and be fine. D and I are going to discuss it soon and try to come to some kind of decision.

So many choices and I feel a bit of pressure about making the right one. This “mommy guilt” thing, I could really do without it.

33w, 0d

7 weeks till D-day, people. I’m sure everyone is getting tired of hearing how fast it’s going, but SERIOUSLY. It’s going fast!

I had to start non-stress tests two times a week from here on out. Yesterday was the first one. It’s kind of fun to listen to the baby’s heartbeat for a while, but I can see how this is going to get boring really quickly. Not to mention that they were 30 minutes late bringing me back. Urgh. Hopefully they will be a little more prompt next time. Everything looked good though.

We have our second of four childbirth classes tomorrow. Our first one went well and I’m looking forward to the rest. It was fun to meet others with babies due around the same time. One couple had the same due date. The first class was just some general information about pregnancy, so I’m anxious to get more in-depth about labor. We’ll also get a hospital tour at some point.

Pregnancy wise, things are going pretty well. Still not sleeping great, but it seems to have gotten a little better this week. I think I’m just so tired I’m sleeping much heavier. I feel pretty groggy in the mornings. No major issues and hoping to keep it that way. Baby has been kicking like crazy and is currently in the head down position. We are really looking forward to meeting him soon!

Finch is doing great too. He has started babbling a ton this week. He seems to really like the “G” sound. It’s so cute! He’s been a lot more active too and I’m struggling with keeping him entertained all day. He gets a little bored, and I just don’t have the energy (33 weeks pregnant, imagine that!) to fully engage him all day long. I will be glad when D gets to stay home with us after baby’s arrival and Finch will have someone more exciting to hang out with for a while!

As for the adoption…we have the paperwork and a meeting with the adoption attorney on Friday. We are just waiting to hear back from the adoption worker to schedule a meeting with us. It’s moving along! Keeping my fingers and toes crossed that we can finalize before the end of the year. I’d really love that.

A fear of happiness

Do you ever feel like being too happy will jinx you somehow?

During our struggle with infertility and pregnancy loss I would try not to get too excited about any progress made, because it seemed like everytime I did something would happen to take it all away. Each positive pregnancy test was followed by excitement and then quickly by intense fear. It is hard, so very hard to to get past this feeling.

I’m afraid to be too happy. Like something is going to find out and come crash our party.

I’m going to say it… life is good right now (cringe).

This pregnancy is going so well. I haven’t had any complications or major scares. Especially once we passed the first trimester. I feel the baby move every day and it provides reassurance about his existance. I am fairly confident that come the end of November/beginning of December we will have another sweet boy in our arms.

Our quest to adopt Finch is moving along. We have been incredibly blessed with such a wonderful, beautiful son. It’s seems so surreal sometimes.

I don’t want to temper our joy. I want to experience it deeply and fully. How do I move past the fear and learn to trust that life isn’t out to get me?

Big Step

Our boy is legally free!!!

Yesterday was the hearing to terminate parental rights. We heard from the social worker this morning that it is all official. This is a huge milestone for our little family. Now our case gets transferred to the adoption worker and we start the adoption process.

I am amazed that we have come this far already. It is my understanding that the process usually takes longer. However this case is a little special in a few ways. Partly because Finch has an older sibling that has recently been adopted. In fact, it was just finalized a few weeks ago. That sets a precedent for this family. The other reasons I’m not comfortable going into.

We are obviously very excited about being able to move forward on the adoption. I’ve never actually been more excited about anything in my life. I love Finch more that words can express. He has changed everything, and I can’t imagine our life without him. But, I can’t help feeling a tinge of sadness or maybe it’s guilt. Here we are, so happy and embarking on an incredible adventure with the sweetest boy in the world. At the same time, a family is losing him. With foster/adopt it is quite a different situation than private adoption. The parents generally aren’t making a decision to place their child in an adoptive home. Most of the time, the state makes that decision for them. However, it is due to choices they have made and issues they are unable or unwilling to resolve. I do feel that we have an ideal situation though, in that we have contact with Finch’s extended family and his sibling. We plan to maintain those relationships throughout his life.

I am also thinking about how we tell Finch his story. How do we properly honor the complexity of the situation? Letting him know that having him in our life, being able to call him our son, is the greatest thing to ever happen to us. Being truthful about where he came from and why he is with us, while not making judgements about his birth parents. In many ways I’ve felt that he was meant to be with us. This feeling is contradictory to my usual belief about how things work, but I can’t explain it any other way. I hope that I can explain it all to him one day.

Well, here we go… I hope to have more to share on the adoption process soon. We will hopefully hear from the adoption worker in a week or so. I can’t wait until it’s all finalized!

17w, 6d + Finch Update

I think I felt the baby move last week. I’m not totally sure, but I’ve felt it a couple times now. 18 weeks tomorrow! My belly is getting bigger and I can’t wear my regular pants anymore (really need to go shopping). Although there are some days I almost forget that I’m pregnant. Our big ultrasound is a little over two weeks away. I can’t wait!

Finch will be 3 months in a couple days. He’s getting so big, so fast. His little bald head is starting to get more hair on it (so cute) and he’s been having little giggle fests that make my heart happy. He is a sweet, happy boy and we are SO grateful for him! His case is moving forward and his social worker signed the termination petition last week to start the process on terminating parental rights. I think tomorrow they will declare adoption as the goal, instead of reunification (which is always the first goal in foster care). We are very excited about this, although it could still be another 6 months before we can start the adoption process. In the meantime we are just loving every minute with our precious boy!

The Boy

Things have been quite crazy here with two infants. You can probably tell by the time between blog posts. My goodness.

Finch is the most beautiful baby. I am just crazy about him.

I love the noises he makes when he’s eating.

I love the how he smiles in his sleep (OMG. It’s too cute). He even laughs sometimes!

I love his little face and all the expressions he makes.

I love how he’s growing bigger and stronger every day.

I even love his little bald head!

Ugh. I can hardly stand it at times.

Finch

He’s here!

For those not following the protected posts, we picked up our foster/adopt son (Finch) on Tuesday last week on his 3 week birthday. This is the possible adoption situation I mentioned here.

Our house has been taken over by babies! Between Squeak and Finch we are not getting much sleep or downtime. Finch is the most beautiful baby boy I’ve ever seen. I’m so in love with him already. I could spend hours watching his little movements and expressions if I wasn’t trying to keep Squeak entertained too! She’s become quite the little attention seeker lately. And her sleeping schedule has gone downhill. Otherwise things are great. We are enjoying our boy and loving on him every chance we get. It’s so unreal that he’s here!