All I can say

2009…thank goodness that’s over.

On to 2010! Happy New Year, everyone! Wishing you peace and happiness in the coming year.

What I’ve been up to…

Trying to pretend like I have no idea what cycle day it is! (Thanks for checking on me, Sarah!) I’ll probably test on Friday unless I chicken out.

During my wait I bought a typewriter! I’ve been searching for the perfect one for quite some time. I found this one on Ebay and I can’t wait until it gets here! I plan to use it for art projects. LOVE old typewriters.

Other than that, I’ve been preparing for Artfest. It’s coming up in 2 weeks. It will provide a great break/distraction if this cycle doesn’t work out! I didn’t have time to make any art for trading (that’s a big part of Artfest I’m told) so I put together some little packages of beads that people can use in their work. Dave and I went to our local bead warehouse (Shipwreck Beads) on Saturday to get my supplies. If you are into beads, that place is a must see. It’s huge! Hard to imagine that there could possibly be that many different types of beads. It makes me feel guilty for having such a great resource and not making jewelry! Obviously, we spent way more time there than planned.

Today I am heading to the chiropractor. My back has been out since Sunday and it’s worse today. Hopefully I’ll be as good as new by this afternoon.

Well, be back in a few days with news one way or the other. Wish me luck!

Perspective

There have been a few things lately that I’ve been really struggling with. Last week an online friend lost her baby at 25 weeks. It’s her 3rd loss, but the furthest along. I am so sad for her and for her family. I just can’t believe how cruel life can be sometimes. They’ve been trying for several years and dealing with IF. Then to get so close. It’s just not fair.

Yesterday we had some more really bad news. A dear family friend who’s been dealing with cancer just found out that the aggressive chemo and radiation, and surgery last week did not eliminate all the cancer from her body. It has spread to her lymph nodes. Apparently, they did the most aggressive treatment and only got 30% of the cancer. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the likelihood of her not being around much longer. She is so young and vital, and she is one of the most beautiful people (inside & out) that I know. It’s just unbelievable.

I don’t know how to reconcile these situations in my heart. They go against every belief that I have about being a good person and finding meaning in life. I don’t even know where to begin. And I guess that I’ve been here for a while with our IF. But this certainly gives me a little perspective on what I am dealing with. I am holding my family a little closer today. And my heart is just broken.

Pins and Needles

Mostly just needles in my future. I’ve been going to acupuncture! I am proud of myself for going, because I am terrified of needles. Sometimes I think that the universe made me infertile so that I would get over my fear of needles. So, in an effort to try and shorten my infertile period, I’m trying.

I love my acupuncturist. She is fabulous. Last night was my second appointment. The first was on the day of my IUI, which I guess is perfect timing. I was happy that worked out as it wasn’t planned.

When I get there she checks my pulse and looks at my tongue. This is my first experience with TCM (traditional Chinese medicine), but I have read a few things online and was prepared for this. Meaning, I brushed my teeth! I guess they can tell a lot by those to things. Then I roll my pants and sleeves up and lay on the massage table with a pillow under my knees. It always smells good in there and soft music playing. I am instantly relaxed. (Now the scary part) She inserts thin needles into various points on my body. Those have been located on my forehead between my eyes, on my hands, on my arms by my elbow, in my shins, by my ankles and in the top of my feet. The top of feet ones hurt at first. Other than that I hardly feel them. I must keep my eyes closed during this process or I will freak out. But I don’t, I stay calm and breath. She always puts a heat lamp on my lower abdomen and boy does that feel good. Ahhh. I could lay like that forever. Fortunately I get to lay there for a while. Probably 30 minutes or so.

The first day was amazing. This will probably sounds strange, but I really felt something in my uterus region. I can’t really explain it, but it was definitely there. I concentrated on repeating some mantras in my mind while lying there. Things like, “I am ready,” “You will be loved” and “I have room in my life for a baby.” Things I felt like my body needed to hear. Last night I didn’t feel the same thing, but I continued my mantras and was so relaxed I almost fell asleep. And I think that is what I really need to work on. Relaxing. Not in the relax and you’ll get pregnant kind of way, but in the physical letting go of tension, stress and worry kind of way.

The needles still freak me out, but I’m feeling more in control of my reaction to them and am feeling hopeful about this cycle.

Although, I probably just jinxed myself.

Pain free

I’ve been pain free for a few days now…thank goodness! I met with a doctor today to follow up on my emergency room trip last Friday. She said that it was up to me whether or not I have surgery to remove my gallbladder. Hmmmm. I said no. At least not right now. I just had surgery last month! I’m not ready to do that again.

I’m going to try controlling the attacks (that’s what they call them) with a few diet changes. It won’t be all that difficult really. We’ve (mostly) been following the South Beach Diet for a month or so anyway. We got a little derailed when we went to Arizona. My FIL doesn’t have much food in the house, so we ate out a lot. I think that might be why I had attacks almost every day. Since we’ve been home and back to eating healthy, I have felt MUCH better.

On the TTC front, I am now 9DPO (days past ovulation). I have no symptoms and have pretty much already given up on this cycle. It’s just been too much. Too much stress, too much travel, too much not feeling well. Ovulation didn’t happen until the day after the IUI, which was also the day we were travelling. We tried the best we could with all the chaos. I’m just ready to get it over with so we can move on to IUI #2. Who knows though, maybe it will surprise me.

Tonight we are off to our first foster parent class. It’s called Pre-Service Training and tonight is the orientation. We’re both excited about it and looking forward to more progress! I’ll let you know how it goes…

We’re Home + 100th Post

This marks my 100th post! I’ve been blogging for almost 2 years, so that isn’t much of an accomplishment. But most of it has been in the last 6 months. Well, aside from that I don’t know what to say about it, except maybe YAY BLOGGING!

We just got back from Arizona yesterday afternoon. After picking up the dogs and getting settled back in we were pretty tired and went to bed. I’ve been having some pretty bad stomach pain along with heartburn the last four days and it woke me up around 1:30 this morning. I couldn’t take it anymore and Dave took me to the ER. We didn’t get home until around 7am. It turns out that I have gallstones. I started to feel much better while at the hospital – it seems to come and go. They said they didn’t need to operate right now and released me, but I’ll be checking back in with my regular doctor next week. Hopefully the pain stays away. I’ve had a few episodes over the last 8 months or so, but never more than one night. Maybe stress brings it on!

There was a lot of flooding in the Olympia area while we were gone. The freeway was shut down South of here. (Evergreen, how did you guys do?) The roads that lead out to the dog sitter were only opened Friday morning. It was fortunate! I’m not sure we would have been able to get to the boys if they weren’t. Everything was fine at our house. We live in such a great spot and never seem to have trouble with those kinds of things.

We’re really glad to be home (even with the hospital visit!). Our trip was really good and the service was nice. We spent a lot of time with the family and going through LaNell’s (Dave’s Mom) leftover things. They needed to be divided up and the rest set aside for donation or sale. I know that was really hard for everyone. I was glad to be able to help in anyway I could. I’m going to miss her and wish that I had more time to get to know her better. I know she felt the same way. We had talked about that when we were down there the week before her passing. Although, I feel like I do after this week. Hearing all the memories shared really seems to have made me feel closer to her.

Day 6

Today is the sixth day of our diet. So far so good! The first two days were pure torture! I thought I might beat someone up for a good piece of bread or a potato. After the second day it was pretty easy. I do miss things. Especially the beer. I really appreciate all the feedback from everyone. I’m not sure if this will be the right diet for me, but it’s worth a shot. I really need to get the cookbook though. I’m getting a little bored with the meals. Although, after the 2 week mark we move into phase two and get to add some foods back in. That makes me happy!

The only problem is that I don’t think I’ve lost any weight. My husband says he can tell, but I just think he’s being nice. The scale actually went up a pound. We aren’t totally sure that our scale works properly, and that could be the issue. If I haven’t lost anything by two weeks, I’m throwing in the towel. They say you should lose 8-13 pounds by then. Humpf.

It’s been 10 days since the surgery and I feel pretty good. Mostly back to normal. We go back to the RE today to find out the next step. Keep your fingers crossed that we get to cycle again!

I asked for it…

Well, I’m back at work today. So far so good. I’m pretty tired though and will probably only make it until lunch. Still a little sore and definitely moving slow!

In addition to the post-surgery recovery, I’ve decided to add a diet to the mix. Crazy a little? Yep. I think it will be OK though. Dave and I are both doing it, and that always makes it easier. Since I can’t exercise for a few weeks, I need to do something.

We decided on the South Beach diet. Anyone had any luck with that one? It’s supposed to be good for people with PCOS because it’s low carb. I wrote our meal plan on a dry erase board near the kitchen and we stocked up on meat and veggies. I purged the fridge of all the no-nos like sweets and bread. I am not usually a big meat eater, and I pretty much live on carbs. This will be a big change. I think the hardest thing to give up will be beer. Apparently, it’s worse than straight sugar. Bummer.

Recovering

Thank you so much for all the sweet comments and emails. It is so nice to have such a supportive community. You guys are the best!

I am doing really well. Surprisingly very little pain. I did start to notice the shoulder pain from the trapped gas they use in surgery, but I’ve been keeping my feet up since we got home last night and that seems to help a lot. I have my trusty pain killers too and that doesn’t hurt! Also, Dave has been amazing and pretty much won’t let me lift a finger. I could get used to this!

The surgery went better than I had even hoped. The doctor said, “best possible outcome.” As it turned out, the fibroid was a polyp. I’m not totally clear on the difference yet, but I guess that’s good. I need to read up on that a bit. And he didn’t have to take either of my tubes!!! What we thought was a diseased tube was actually endometriosis (I need to research this some too), and it had attached to the end of my right tube and caused a blockage. The doctor was able to remove all the adhesions and scar tissue and says that both of my tubes are open and ready for business! I was in the recovery room when he told me, so I don’t remember all the details, and all I could do was smile. He was so excited to tell me, I don’t think he could wait until I was more awake. It was pretty cute.

So, I go back the week after next and I think I’ll get to stop the BCP then. So, our next cycle may be much closer than I thought. We’ll see how that goes. For now, I’m going to bask in the joy of keeping all my body parts and being (hopefully) fully functional after my recovery.

I’m grumpy

I know…it’s two days before Thanksgiving and I’m supposed to be feeling all thankful and cheery. I’ve been sick since last Thursday and I think my body is falling apart. I’m too young for that, right?

I’ll be back tomorrow or Thursday with a little more gratefulness to show.