One more day

I have tried to be patient. I’ve tried to keep busy. I’ve tried to just sleep my way through it. Tomorrow is our first ultrasound and I can’t even put into words how nervous I am. For someone that has had a m/c, this is excruciating. Our first pregnancy ended at 8 weeks, but our little one had stopped growing around 6 weeks. Today I am 7 weeks, 2 days. Right in the middle.

I am trying to be positive and think about all the things that are different this time. Most of the time it works and I feel pretty good about how this will turn out. But the closer we get to that ultrasound, the more terrified I become. I am angry that my innocence has been stolen by our previous loss and by a year and a half of infertility. I know how long it takes to recover from a loss. Not just physically, but emotionally. And it’s a long time. I know how it changed me and that I can never go back to that “before” time. I know a lot of things and right now I wish I could just forget them.

I am praying, begging, pleading, hoping that tomorrow will be our first good ultrasound and that we will see a real, live baby in there. Please.

How’s this for optimism?

We decided that we’d need a bigger car for our growing family. Something we could fit a baby with all the accessories + our 3 dogs. We brought this guy home on Sunday and are crazy about it! Neither of us have had a new car in at least 10 years. I feel a little bit guilty about owning such a monsterous vehicle. It’s not really THAT big, but it seems like it to me! I’m still trying to get the hang of fitting it in parking spots. We had wanted to hold off on a new car until electric vehicles were more available or at least get a hybrid, but we couldn’t afford it and really needed a car sooner rather than later. Our old Honda is still in pretty good shape, but we’ve had to make a lot of repairs lately and we didn’t think it would last much longer as an only vehicle. So, we are officially SUV owners. Although, I prefer to call him, Higley the Highlander.

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Our new Highlander, originally uploaded by eklektic*photos.

On the pregnancy front, things are moving along slowly but surely. 5 weeks, 2 days today. I’ve been in a much better place the last few days and feeling like this might actually work. I know it’s still early and a lot can happen, but I’m optimistic.

I’ve been having some gallstone attacks and that is a little worrysome. I’m working on figuring out the right food combinations to keep them at bay. (Big thanks to Mick for the recommendations!!!)

Tomorrow I leave for Artfest. I can’t believe it’s here already! I still have to pack and have only just begun getting my supplies ready. I’m so far behind. Hoping to get it together tonight!

Symptoms so far:
* Fatigue – I feel like I could sleep for a week straight
* Sore boobs – increasing every day
* Slow BMs – not really something I want to discuss
* Slight nausea – a little, not a lot

Beta #2

406!!! Doubling time is 39.78 hours.

That’s going to be the last bit of reassurance I will get until our 7 week ultrasound on 4/15. 3 whole weeks. Hoping I can keep my sanity until then! I could probably sleep through the whole thing if I didn’t have to work. I’m so tired!

Today we are 4 weeks, 3 days and so happy.

Yes, I have a problem…

Hi, my name is Lea and I’m a POAS addict. I just can’t help it! It’s so much fun to see that second line!!!

Waiting for the results of beta #2. Hopefully I’ll hear this afternoon.

Beta #1

179!!! I think that’s a pretty good number! Going back on Wednesday for Beta #2. Then if everything is progressing properly, our first u/s will be in week 7 (about 3 weeks from now).

Still pinching myself!

Thank goodness

Thank you all for the lovely comments! My test today was definitely a little darker, and the symptoms are building! The girls have been pretty sore for about a week, but now I can hardly even look at them! I’m a little more tired and getting waves of low grade nausea. I can’t even put into words how grateful I am for all of these and for the new chance we’ve been given. We are very hopeful.

A few things I wanted to mention… for my IRL friends + family that read this, we are not sharing this information with everyone yet, so please keep it quiet for now. We’ve seen two lines before and still don’t have our little one, so we’re being a little more cautious about spreading the word this time. It was extremely difficult to make the calls after our m/c.

I also wanted to say that I understand many of you reading this blog are actively TTC and it may be painful to read about pregnancy. I am praying that we make it, and if we do, I will definitely be sharing my journey here. So, I completely understand if you are not able to continue reading (although I will be reading yours!). Know that my thoughts are with you and that I desperately wish/hope that we all make it off this ride.

I’m still in total shock that we are here.

Disbelief

13 days past ovulation. The line is a little faint, so I’m not getting too excited just yet (who am I kidding?!) but we are hopeful. Please, let this be it.